The Penarth Hooter Valentine's column 14/02/26

Every valentine's day, some couples make the wise decision to spend it in Penarth. With its romantic locales and beautiful buskers, it's no wonder that it has become a holidestination!

To help this season's flock of newcomers, The Penarth Hooter has pulled out all the stops- We present a complete lifestyle guide on what can prove to be a difficult day to navigate.

How to show your Penarth Partner that you care





“
Zing Ouangus has said Penarth people can be difficult to please.
”


- Zing Ouangus






This may be a difficult thought to process, but no matter who you are or who your partner is, they'll always love Penarth more. So why not buy them a private island for Penarth to occupy?

If people are already living there, experts have concluded they can stay. (It's not like they'll be any happier outside Penarth!)

If a private island is too expensive, why not make a public donation in the name of that special someone?

The main quotidien issue for a lot of P-citizens is the struggle of deciding how best to spend their piles of cash. By illuminating to them a good cause, or even just taking their money and giving it to a poverse friend, you could alleviate a lot of stress which might improve the relationship all year long!

And for those couples who don't like charity, you can always just get something macho, like a dumbbell or a leather jacket. Wrap the dumbbell in the leather jacket for good fortune all year long!

Article by Zing Ouangus

The best Valentine's gifts which you had never considered

All too often do couples write eachother's cards, sew eachother's clothes, clean eachother's beds... These are of course, charming efforts, but can prove to sink a lot of energy for a poor end result.

The following Valentine's gifts are things you could go pick up from a grocery store, or things you might already have in your pantry- Or even things which, around this time of year, you might already have laid out on the kitchen table.

Flour

To those who say flour can never be romantic- Why not try drawing a heart in it with your finger?

Eggs

Smash them all on the ground before gifting for that "lived in" feeling!

Milk

You must get skimmed for aries, taurus, gemini, cancer, semi skimmed for leo, virgo, libra, scorpio, and whole milk for sagittarius, capricorn, aquarius and pisces.

Water

Serve it at that special temperature for your loved one to say, "I care".

Icing

Why not spell out "I love you..." On the floor! Wake up your partner with a slippery surprise.


Article by Dill Chramp

Penarth passerbies on personal red and green flags

For those of our readers who have yet to find love, it's no secret that dating can be exhausting for a lot of people!

If you want to climb the social ladder and find a perfectly adequate lover all at once, why not read on and see how exactly to appeal to Penarth. Patty Specks has organized her vox popis data into a list of dos and don'ts;



Green flags

Red flags

Article by Patty Specks



On the quality of this article, we consulted psychoprofessor Augustus B. Stones.

If I had some of this advice 10, 20, 30 years ago, maybe I'd be doing alright as we speak!

The PPD also reports that it is in conversations to implement these recommendations into law-

This time next year, not following the Penarth Hooter's Valentine's day guidance will hopefully constitute domestic violence.

Thank you to our readers for campaigning to get us at this point, and happy Valentine's day.

Edited by Marion Whiffy