Penarth local proposes "Firm but forgiving" DUI threshold 08/02/26
A Penarth businesswoman and "party"-holic has suggested that we update our archaic DUI laws- The boundaries are as usual being pushed to a place many might initially consider irresponsible. But could you be wrong about the DUI?
Should Penarth be renamed "Backlash City"?
“
Less than 15% is the drink's fault. More than 15%, it's yours!
”
- Stephanie Owens, Entrepreneur
Stephanie Owens has come under ruthless fire from Penarth artillery for proposing a DUI threshold far beyond any historical DUI cases- The streets would of course be less safe for pedestrians, but the risk of being pulled over as a hurried Penarth chauffeur would plummet. What's more, in a town as expansive as Penarth, public transport regularly doesn't meet the needs of the commuting rush- The system needs to be changed, and it is believed that this could be the shake-up we need.
The Penarth Hooter sat down with Stephanie Owens for a two sided tête-à-tête.
MW: Thanks for coming in. Can you explain some of the sentiment behind this suggestion?
SO: The basic principle here is, "Get those drunk bags of meat off the road". We can all agree on that- I just think we need to update what "drunk" means in 2026.
MW: I see. Have you had personal connections to these laws before?
SO: Yes. I can testify firsthand that when you get caught driving under influence, people always look at you funny. They don't think you can change. In fact, everyone seems to have it in for you. I hope that the publicity around this campaign will encourage people to think again about the guys in DUIs and the lasses in crashes.
MW: That's very moving, and very exciting too! What led you to pick 15% blood alcohol content specifically?
SO: Well, it's not some number I plucked out of the air! I took the current official limit based on all its fancy pants g###k#-##nk# mathematical science and multiplied it by about 10. This new one is forgiving- That is, I think it's pretty generous- But firm. We're not going to have it changed every week!
MW: Wonderful. Do you have anything else you want to say to our readers?
SO: Yes, actually- To those who always type away in comment sections, along the lines of "15% blood alcohol content would kill even a healthy adult in a matter of hours unless they received a stomach pump and blood transfusion"- This B-E-E-Y-T-C-H will always reply with a hearty "Dead men drive even worse than drunks!"
MW: That's a good campaign promise and an extremely frightening look into the souls of your black-hearted enemies. Good luck, Stephanie!
SO: Thanks, Marion.
Stephanie Owens' campaign only began 2 months ago when her colleague, Theodora Particles, was given a curfew and a 30% income fine for a minor fender bender which the Penarth Hooter can testify was really nothing to worry about. Since then, Owens has taken a cold-turkey hunger strike until Particles is released- She has also demonstrated her dedication through running a sponsored marathon, flying a sponsored plane, selling cookies, and various other things.
With a history of driving under influence, and an extensive reputation in a workplace which could benefit from more infrequent arrests, Stephanie Owens isn't just doing this for a cheap buck, or to get her name in the paper. She's so fiercely attached to the cause as her livelihood could depend on it.
She also was eager to highlight that, especially in Penarth, DUIs have been difficult to enforce and even harder to convince the public to take seriously, given how many false positives can be carried through.
Even a TPH staff writer was pulled over recently, but they just thought they saw a raccoon, then a lamb, then a fox, and responsibly swerved to avoid them all.
“
In my professional opinion, we are all, always, "driving under influence". Of social media.
”
- Augustus B. Stones, Philosopher
Of course, it is also true that PPD officers are regularly too intoxicated to correctly interpret a breathalyzer, will abduct drivers who are actually below the legal limit, and drunkenly deliver them to rot in prison.
With the subject still under massive debate and with extremely convincing arguments on one side, all we at the Penarth Hooter can say for sure at this time is that Penarth is sick of being pulled over. And we hope you will agree- How are we expected to even want to go to work without some sauce in the tubes?
Following the broadcast of this article, the Penarth Police Department has asked The Penarth Hooter to clarify their unforgiving disgust for drunk bags of meat behind the wheel.